Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The origin and history of my anorexia: 7th and 8th grade

Things evened out, after a while. My friends grew closer, and 7th grade had to be my best year of collège, or middle school life. Fast-forward to quatrième, or 8th grade. Pleasant at first, my two best friends quickly abandoned me to be 'popular'. It was a terrible time for me. Combined with the fact that my dad left to spend a month in the US for business, and I was left with my mom who... leads a very unstructured lifestyle. She wakes up (or stays up) at ungodly hours, sitting in her study, working on her computer, then sleeps sporadically at all hours of the day. She can hardly speak French, has suffered injuries from a car accident, falls, etc. She is overweight but in denial about it - she first blamed her pregnancy with me, then the fact that she 'has to eat when she's stressed out' (which is always), and now it's a thyroid problem... Basically, a very difficult person to live alone with, especially when you have to face the world outside your house, and attempt to lead a relatively structured life. Increasingly, she's been a very inadequate role model.
Originally, we were extremely, extremely close, but over the years, especially upon the advent of my eating disorder, we've grown estranged. But I'll get to that later.
Anyway, back to that month. Abandoned by my friends, my father, and living with a struggling mother, as well as rattled up by an apparent break-in to our house while my friend and I were alone, I realize now how dark my life was - I was suffering from acute depression, sad, solitary, procrastinating with my school work, and finding myself unequal to completing the assignments.

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