Hi Bloggerettes!
Remember how yesterday I said I had a good sesh with my therapist and would talk about it more today? Well here I am, following through on my promise :)
Throughout my recovery, I've been encouraged to love my body no matter what it looked like. I've come to see the follies of dieting and restricting, and hold (at least dieting) in contempt.
We are all beautiful in our own way.
Or so they say.
But in my meeting with my therapist yesterday, we discussed my "buffer zone" (my doctor wants me to be at a slightly higher weight than I am at now in case I lose weight at college) and my fear of gaining weight when I go back to school. I told her that if I were to become overweight, I would feel like a failure. I would have failed to control myself, failed to eat in a moderate and healthy manner, I would probably be failing socially as I'd be too ashamed to go out, failing academically because I would probably feel too depressed to work, and overall falling short of my own expectations.
Then she asked me: What do you think of people who are overweight?
My answer was twofold.
First: I feel sympathy. They are probably dealing with some issue that is causing them great pain and thus they eat emotionally. I feel sad for them.
Second: I feel critical. Many people overeat because they don't know much about nutrition/portion sizes, or else they eat mindlessly (i.e. in front of the TV). Or... They are gluttonous and indulgent.
(do you recognize the ED voice?)
She asked me if I would be able to turn some of that sympathy toward myself if I were ever overweight. I wasn't sure.
But something I have learned from recovery is that weight and physical appearance are never the issue. It's always emotional.
If we want the issues of overeating, under-eating, obesity, or anorexia to be resolved, we need to stop pumping the diet industry full of skinny cow ice creams, and really invest in therapy, counseling, just letting our emotions out. When our emotional selves start healing, the physical part will follow.
Today, our society puts so much focus on escapism. Escape from your hectic life with a cruise through the Greek Islands, with a day at the spa, with escapist literature (Twilight, anyone?), running, food, TV... Forget your stress, your anger, your pain. Leave it all at the door as you buy into the latest diet plan, as you bite into the richest, most indulgent dessert, as you get in the zone and sweat it out in the gym, as you put as much space between you and your chaotic house and fly to Italy for the week.
So yeah, great. You've left it all behind, and now you feel great. Free, open, amazing. Yes, you think, no more stress. My life is wonderful. But at some point, the vacation will come to an end. The gym will close for the night. You'll stop losing weight. You'll turn the last page of that book.
And then what? It's back to reality. Bitter, harsh, repellent reality. Where we have so much work. Where our relationship with our mother is, well, not the greatest. Where our house is a land mine of children's toys and dirty laundry. Where we're so, so afraid... of failing. Of losing the ones we love. Of failing that test. Of losing our job. Of losing our husband. Of... Fill in the blank.
And then we go back to our unhappiness. The pounds we lost from our latest diet start piling back on - and then some. We have to start working overtime again, to save up for the next cruise. We have to go out and buy another book to distract us from our parent's constant fighting. We have to go on another run to get the endorphins, that high. Another massage is required to knead out the latest knots in your back from all the stress.
My point? We can't keep running from our emotions. We can't keep ignoring them, or our behaviors and day-to-day life will continue to be a living hell. This is so, so true with eating disorders and addictions, but it's also true for any negative feelings of pain, sadness, anger, you name it.
So what do we do? We have to face our emotions, head on. Journal about them, sketch, blog, vlog, talk to a therapist, your best friend, whomever. We have to realize that yes, we do feel afraid that we are inadequate in our jobs, and thus we diet to distract ourselves from our insecurities and try to be good enough.
First, recognize the emotion that is eating you up. Do not judge yourself, no matter what the emotion is. Maybe it seems inappropriate, shameful, horrendous. It does not matter. Accept that you feel it. Countless others probably feel it too (yes, that includes your friends and family who seem so 'normal'!)
Then recognize the consequential behavior (restricting, dieting, binging, exercise compulsion, overworking, perfectionism...) you use to ignore the emotion.
Now, express it.
I hope this has been helpful to at least one person.
Ignoring my emotions has certainly been a problem for me, and recognizing, accepting, and dealing with them has been so key for me in my recovery.
Have you been ignoring an emotion? Have you used behaviors to distract yourself?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
What I ate Wednesday and shopping! :)
Ello ello!
How are you today? I've had a mighty fine day. This morning I went for a run/ walk with my dad up in the hills for 4.5 miles. It was amazing! I absolutely loved it. It was hot, but I felt so strong and exalted throughout. I've realize that I can go as long as I want, I just need to take walking breaks. By the end of the run I was pretty beat though.
When I got home, it was 10:20, and I had 40 minutes to get ready to catch the train for my therapist and nutrition meeting! Cue major rushing around.
I showered, dressed, prepped my lunch, and was outta there. I had a good sesh with my Therapist and nutritionist, but more on that tomorrow. I came back on the train, and my mom and I did a little shopping in a used bookstore (<- love those!) and I got two books:
Speaking of shopping - these are the tops I got yesterday:
Anywho.
In true food blogger fashion, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and do What I ... Wednesday.
Worked:
Run/walking - 4.5 miles
Gentle Yoga for 1 hour with a former yoga instructor/nutritionist at my treatment place. She's super nice and upbeat. She offers a body-image yoga class, which I try to attend regularly.
Ate:
Pre-run snack:
Mid-morning breakfast/snack eaten on the train:
Lunch in the park (eaten down in less than 30 minutes to go to my 12:30 appointment):
How are you today? I've had a mighty fine day. This morning I went for a run/ walk with my dad up in the hills for 4.5 miles. It was amazing! I absolutely loved it. It was hot, but I felt so strong and exalted throughout. I've realize that I can go as long as I want, I just need to take walking breaks. By the end of the run I was pretty beat though.
When I got home, it was 10:20, and I had 40 minutes to get ready to catch the train for my therapist and nutrition meeting! Cue major rushing around.
I showered, dressed, prepped my lunch, and was outta there. I had a good sesh with my Therapist and nutritionist, but more on that tomorrow. I came back on the train, and my mom and I did a little shopping in a used bookstore (<- love those!) and I got two books:
"The Complete Book of Running for Women" but Claire Kowalchick
and "Married to the Job" by Ilene Philipson.
I'm so excited to read the running book! I browsed through it in the book store and it looked awesome. Lot's of good tips :)
Married to the Job is a little deeper. It was written by a psychologist who believes that Americans are such workaholics not because they want to earn money for their families, buy nice cars, or send their kids to college. They work till midnight then wake up at 6am because work is their life. Their jobs are responsible for their sense of accomplishment, they live for their bosses' recognition, and life outside work is... vacuous.
This is something I have dealt with as a self-admitted workaholic. I actually talked to my therapist about this today. Many people (my mom, dad, therapists) have been encouraging me to take three classes next semester rather than four, so that I could take care of myself. I've been very hesitant to take that course of action as I want to take full advantage of my college education and take as many courses as possible. AKA, don't take it 'easy.' My therapist told me: Recovery, a happy life, is so worthwhile. So much more valuable than not taking a class or two. Well it's still a thought in process.
And check out these amazing prices!
Gotta love second hand stuff.
Speaking of shopping - these are the tops I got yesterday:
I love the detailing on these tops.
I mean, just look at the thought that went into them:
 |
| Love this detailing in particular. The lace, the stitching, cross hatching? Gorgeous |
In true food blogger fashion, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and do What I ... Wednesday.
Worked:
Run/walking - 4.5 miles
Gentle Yoga for 1 hour with a former yoga instructor/nutritionist at my treatment place. She's super nice and upbeat. She offers a body-image yoga class, which I try to attend regularly.
Ate:
Pre-run snack:
Peanut Butter Puffins with almond milk.
Plus another handful afterward.
After reading on Emma's blog that she ate a meal without fats before exercise because it made it easier to digest, I decided to do it. It worked beautifully. No GI problems whatsoever. I was so pleased! :)
Mid-morning breakfast/snack eaten on the train:
Lunch in the park (eaten down in less than 30 minutes to go to my 12:30 appointment):
Salad: spinach, 1/2 apple, broccoli, edamame,
vidalia onion salad dressing (<- best dressing EVER!!)
With two pieces of TJ's Pound Plus dark chocolate after.
And my view:
Afternoon Snack:
Soy hot chocolate.
Free with a coupon.
Second half of my afternoon snack after yoga:
Chocolate vitamuffin top.
Preceded by some carrot sticks and a few slurps of my mom's mango smoothie.
Dinner: (unpictured) flax tempeh, sautéed carrots and ginger bits, mashed potatoes and parsnips, hummus. Dessert was one of Amanda's no-bake chocolate cheesecake bites.
Evening snack:
Greek Yogurt, pumpkin butter, dried figs, peanut butter. Mmmmmm. So good.
Ok, now it's off to bed with me! Night night :)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
4th of July recap, eats, and Sushi lunch!
Good morning!
So yesterday I had a nice 4th of July dinner with my parents - they had ribs, potato, grilled corn and some salad, while I just had the grilled corn and salad. I was feeling so not hungry by the time dinner rolled around, so I opted not to have tofu but just add some edamame to my salad. I had had a rather voluminous lunch (1/2 cup cooked millet with spinach and broccoli, hummus, and some chocolate for dessert) and then a heavy snack (~1 cup of greek yogurt, pb, and jam.)
However, I didn't hear the end of how small my dinner looked, and that this was a 'diet' dinner. Yes, I understand it was the 4th of July and everyone was feasting, but I just wasn't feeling it. I listened to my hunger.
Nevertheless, I made a special "4th of July" themed dessert that was delish. I mad Katie's fudge dadies and topped them with her coconut banana butter and some blueberries and grapes to try to tie all the colors in with Independence Day :)
Unfortunately I didn't get a picture, but they were yummy. My parents loved them. In other words, success! The brownies were ooey gooey (I tossed some extra chocolate chips in there) and the butter complemented them perfectly.
I've been on such a grape kick lately. It used to be I greatly disliked them - maybe it's because I associate them with feasting Romans...
But lately I've been eating them cold from the fridge, and they're divine! I've tried them frozen, but didn't like them much... Too icy and chewy in my opinion. But refrigerated they turn sweet, just crisp and crunchy enough... perfect.
What else have I been eating lately?
For breaky, I had something I've never had before - chocolate banana oats!
When I got home, it was snack time!
On that note, I hope you had a great Tuesday!
So yesterday I had a nice 4th of July dinner with my parents - they had ribs, potato, grilled corn and some salad, while I just had the grilled corn and salad. I was feeling so not hungry by the time dinner rolled around, so I opted not to have tofu but just add some edamame to my salad. I had had a rather voluminous lunch (1/2 cup cooked millet with spinach and broccoli, hummus, and some chocolate for dessert) and then a heavy snack (~1 cup of greek yogurt, pb, and jam.)
However, I didn't hear the end of how small my dinner looked, and that this was a 'diet' dinner. Yes, I understand it was the 4th of July and everyone was feasting, but I just wasn't feeling it. I listened to my hunger.
Nevertheless, I made a special "4th of July" themed dessert that was delish. I mad Katie's fudge dadies and topped them with her coconut banana butter and some blueberries and grapes to try to tie all the colors in with Independence Day :)
Unfortunately I didn't get a picture, but they were yummy. My parents loved them. In other words, success! The brownies were ooey gooey (I tossed some extra chocolate chips in there) and the butter complemented them perfectly.
I've been on such a grape kick lately. It used to be I greatly disliked them - maybe it's because I associate them with feasting Romans...
But lately I've been eating them cold from the fridge, and they're divine! I've tried them frozen, but didn't like them much... Too icy and chewy in my opinion. But refrigerated they turn sweet, just crisp and crunchy enough... perfect.
What else have I been eating lately?
For breaky, I had something I've never had before - chocolate banana oats!
Naked. 1/2 cup oats, 1 verrrry ripe banana,
1.25 cups water, and about 1 Tbsp. sweet Ghirardelli cocoa powder.
Dressed! With drippy drippy almond butter.
Up-front-and-personal with the wonderfulness.
My attempt at 'artful' decoration.
After this I got ready and headed over to my doctor's appointment. She said I've gained back a little, and am now at the minimum of where I should be. She wants me to gain a little more so I'll be in a safe space when I go back to college. Apparently she expects that with the extra walking at campus, the stress of work, etc. that I will lose weight, so she wants to create a buffer zone.
I'm not sure how I feel about that. Most of the time I feel large and bloated, and it annoys me that I don't have to be that weight all the time. It also annoys me that she expects me to lose weight. I mean, what if I don't lose weight? What if I gain weight? Last Fall, when started my Freshman semester, is when I started gaining weight, despite all the walking around.
It's just kind of nerve-racking, I suppose.
Afterward my madre and I ran some errands (I picked up some silver paint for the bureaus in my room that I'm repainting) and by the end of the morning I was feeling kind of faint and hungry, so we stopped and got bubble tea! :) It was yummeh. My mom got almond flavor, and I got soy hazelnut. We shopped some more, then had lunch at a sushi restaurant.
A lot of people think it's hard to be vegan or vegetarian at sushi restaurants, surrounded by raw fish, but it's actually quite simple! Here are the things I tend to order when I'm getting my Japanese food on:
- Avocado roll - love this. So yummy, rich, yet simple.
- Edamame - steamed and salted, this is a great, tasty source of non-fish protein
- Miso soup - not very nutritious, but still vegan and yummy
- Tofu cheesecake. No words. So good.
When I got home, it was snack time!
About 1 cup of almond milk, three cups of blueberries, and 3 ice cubes.
It looks good, but it tasted kind of meh. I think I like my smoothies a bit thicker.
And no, I did not eat the chard sticks ;)
On that note, I hope you had a great Tuesday!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Magical 4th of July Monday
Happy 4th of July!I hope everyone (State-side) is having a wonderful day with their friends and family.
I tried to dress the part in my navy and white striped romper and red ribbon tied around my wrist.
Personally, my parents and I are having a quiet day with a barbecue at home. Obviously as a vegetarian, I won't be eating the ribs, BUT I will be having the BBQ-ed corn, and I'm thinking of grilling some tofu before they cook their meat.
Yes, I may have gone a little camera-happy.Otherwise today has started out well - I went for a 2 mile run/walk with my dad, showered, and had breaky at a local restaurant that serves classic American breakfast food - aka: eggs, bacon, french toast, pancakes... They had all kinds of pancakes! Banana, blueberry, blackberry, strawberry, chocolate chip...
I went with two blueberry pancakes, even though the chocolate chip pancakes sounded tempting. They were delish! I was also planning on having a soy hot chocolate, but they didn't have non-dairy milk! They really need to get on the new-age/vegan bandwagon... Haha.
Afterward we stopped by Rite Aid to pick up my Vitamin D prescription, and... I couldn't resist, so we popped into Trader Joe's next door. After reading Nicky's blog and her love of Barbara's Puffins cereal, I've been wanting to get my hands on them. So imagine my glee when I found (and of course snatched) these beauties:
Peanut Butter and Cinnamon.And of course, no trip to TJ's is complete without this baby:
I love TJ's Pound Plus dark chocolate.It's seriously the tastiest, richest, and most cost-efficient dark chocolate out there.
Though I usually don't have a morning snack, I was really feeling one today around 11:30. Almost time for lunch! But I was a hangry beast so I decided to dig into this:
The Peanut Butter flavor. Mmm. It was gooooot.
-------And now... today is goal-setting Monday!
This week's goals?
1) Train for the Wharf To Wharf race (July 24th! Eeek!)
- Monday: 2.5 mile walk/run (I only ran two miles, because I tried a new route and didn't know how far I'd gone. But I'm okay with that!)
- Tuesday: rest day
- Wednesday: 3 mile walk/run
- Thursday: Rest day
- Friday: 4 mile walk/run
- Sunday: 5 mile walk/run
I'm used to run/walking 2.5 miles. Does anyone out there with a little more experience think it's too much of a jump to go from 2.5 miles to 5 miles in the same week? I would love some feedback!
2) Wake up earlier!
...Which implies, of course, sleeping earlier. I want to start waking up round 6am or 7am, and sleeping round... 9 or 10? We'll see how that works out!
3) Read!
I feel like I always have this goal. Nevertheless, I want to read at least one novel, preferably two, by the end of the week
And that's all, folks!
Have a wonderful 4th of July!
I'm back!
Hello!
Sorry I've been MIA. To tell the truth, it wasn't that I haven't had the time, or that there was a huge blackout in the state of California and I lost access to all things techie.
No. The real reason is... my therapist recommended I stop reading health food blogs. Why? She looked at me and said: "Lexi, you know they aren't good for you." Are they bad for me? I don't know. At the time, I agreed vehemently as I felt guilty about spending so much time reading food blogs rather than accomplishing something.
So I disconnected. I removed blogger dashboard from my tabs. I stopped reading blogs, I stopped writing posts, I just eliminated that part of my life completely. And I was good at it. For about two weeks. Then, on my short vacation up to our beach house in Northern California, I thought to myself: I've been feeling really... depressed lately. Has not reading blogs really helped my recovery? The resounding answer was... No.
Reading about what other people eat can make me feel better about what I eat. It makes me realize that yes, other people eat the way I do (aka, loadser nut butters, snacks, oats up the kazooza...) and I shouldn't feel bad about it. Reading blogs like Amanda's help me feel that I should take care of my body and honor my hunger. Blogs like Emma's encourage me to enjoy exercise rather than just sit on my butt all day and feel depressed, while also fueling adequately for it.
But I have to be careful. Sometimes, especially the day I jumped back into blogs, I find myself waaaaay overdoing it. As in, spending hours and hours reading blogs all afternoon, then taking my laptop to bed with me to read more till midnight only to feel like a zombie. Like many other things in life, I need to incorporate blogs into my life in a healthy, moderate manner.
To do so, is simple on paper, but often hard in practice.
1) Spend at most 2 hours a day reading and writing blog posts.
2) Don't fall into the comparison trap
3) Reap the benefits of healthy living blogs: motivation to exercise, positive energy, a variety of recipe and food inspiration, reassurance about taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally...
So all this to say... I'm back!
Sorry I've been MIA. To tell the truth, it wasn't that I haven't had the time, or that there was a huge blackout in the state of California and I lost access to all things techie.
No. The real reason is... my therapist recommended I stop reading health food blogs. Why? She looked at me and said: "Lexi, you know they aren't good for you." Are they bad for me? I don't know. At the time, I agreed vehemently as I felt guilty about spending so much time reading food blogs rather than accomplishing something.
So I disconnected. I removed blogger dashboard from my tabs. I stopped reading blogs, I stopped writing posts, I just eliminated that part of my life completely. And I was good at it. For about two weeks. Then, on my short vacation up to our beach house in Northern California, I thought to myself: I've been feeling really... depressed lately. Has not reading blogs really helped my recovery? The resounding answer was... No.
Reading about what other people eat can make me feel better about what I eat. It makes me realize that yes, other people eat the way I do (aka, loadser nut butters, snacks, oats up the kazooza...) and I shouldn't feel bad about it. Reading blogs like Amanda's help me feel that I should take care of my body and honor my hunger. Blogs like Emma's encourage me to enjoy exercise rather than just sit on my butt all day and feel depressed, while also fueling adequately for it.
But I have to be careful. Sometimes, especially the day I jumped back into blogs, I find myself waaaaay overdoing it. As in, spending hours and hours reading blogs all afternoon, then taking my laptop to bed with me to read more till midnight only to feel like a zombie. Like many other things in life, I need to incorporate blogs into my life in a healthy, moderate manner.
To do so, is simple on paper, but often hard in practice.
1) Spend at most 2 hours a day reading and writing blog posts.
2) Don't fall into the comparison trap
3) Reap the benefits of healthy living blogs: motivation to exercise, positive energy, a variety of recipe and food inspiration, reassurance about taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally...
So all this to say... I'm back!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Mad Monday
Okay, so it's not really mad at all. It's actually been pretty mellow, so far.
I'll just jump right into it. I've been struggling lately.
It all began at Grandma's - she has trouble walking, so basically the whole four days I was there (minus a short run, a jazzercise class, and a ride or two up and down the street on the bike) I basically sat on the couch with her, watching The Food Network. Goodness. I never realized how active I am at home, aside from 'real' exercise (aka intense, purposeful exercise like running, yoga, biking...) I'm constantly running around, painting my room, gardening, baking (standing on your feet in the kitchen for that long is exercise, ;) )
So, as time elapsed and my sedentary lifestyle got to me, I realized I wasn't as hungry as usual, and my carb and protein intake diminished. By my last meal, I was eating a huge fruit salad and maybe a 1/4 cup of kidney and garbanzo beans with haricots verts.
When I came home, I thought to myself "oh, you know, I could just have salad for lunch." And so... I did. A big salad of leafy greens, some chopped fruit, tomato, dried cranberries, and a 'lite' dressing. With dessert, of course ;) I can never forgo my favorite part of any meal. Then, I read Gena's philosophy on breakfast. She reiterated something I'd read in Skinny Bitch that sounded logical to me. Basically, when you wake up, your body is emerging from 'hibernation' and still processing last night's dinner. Thus, you shouldn't shock, or load it up with a bunch of heavy food. Rather, you should eat really light foods that your body can easily digest, like fruits, smoothies, etc.
So, of course, being the impressionable and slightly eating disordered person that I am, I grip onto her words and vow to eat only smoothies for breakfast as a sort of 'cleanse.' Bad idea. Not sure if it's the xanthan gum, or the amount of veggies I've been consuming, but my digestive system has not been happy. That, and I've been feeling super fat and bloated.
Obviously, this is not a good way for me to proceed, especially as I am still in recovery from anorexia. Sooooo, I've decided to try to get back on track by doing what I did in treatment. Basically, every weekday, I'll do a post that deals with the same topics covered in the groups at my treatment center on that day.
So, it'll look a little like this:
Monday: Goal Setting or interpersonal relations
Tuesday: Art Therapy
Wednesday: Body Image
Thursday: Experiential or Nutrition
Friday: Process
So, today is Goal setting. Basically, I write up a maximum of four goals for the week.
1) Exercise more regularly
My injuries have been rather discouraging, and have forced me to get out of the habit of exercising regularly. I think the lack of exercise (endorphins, baby, endorphins!) has made me feel pretty sluggish and depressed lately, and I have had little to no desire to exercise.
I think I'm over my tendonitis, but now my calf muscles are as tight as cables right now, so running hurts. However, I went for a short run this morning, and it was glorious. It felt great to get out there and feel completely free, unfettered by earthly bonds like a purse, my dog straining on her leash, etc.
So I want to take really good care of my legs, like so:
My legs were covered in goose bumps by the time I took off the cold packs. My mom made them individual little sleeves to cover them. Isn't she sweet?
and continue doing exercise like walking, yoga, pilates, biking, and a tiny bit of running.
2) Get together with a friend
Pretty self-explanatory. My parents are at our house in France, and I'm by myself at our home in California. I think part of the reason I've been feeling depressed is the isolation.
3) Finish reading my book
How To Read And Why by Harold Bloom (professor at Yale.) My mom got it for me for X-mas, and I just finished Dear John, so I needed new reading material. This book is pretty good, from what I've read so far.
Mhmmm. Kombucha and Literature. Symbols of my two loves in life: Nutrition and English. Please disregard the huge thing of charmin' toilet paper in the background ;). Oh, and check out Bella in the background, lounging around and living a dog's life :P
Side note: does anyone else listen to Yale's open courses from iTunes? They're amazing. Really really good. Basically they're recorded lectures that Yalies actually take on various subjects. I've listened to Steven B. Smith's Introduction to Political Philosophy more than once, and find it so fascinating and informative. I really recommend you check them out on iTunes. Just type in Yale university, and a bunch will pop up. Best part? It's completely FREE.
So... yeah. Those are my goals for the week.
Cuestiónes:
Do you have any goals for this week?
Can anyone else relate to the calf tightness thing? If so, do you have any recommendations for how to heal it?
I'll just jump right into it. I've been struggling lately.
It all began at Grandma's - she has trouble walking, so basically the whole four days I was there (minus a short run, a jazzercise class, and a ride or two up and down the street on the bike) I basically sat on the couch with her, watching The Food Network. Goodness. I never realized how active I am at home, aside from 'real' exercise (aka intense, purposeful exercise like running, yoga, biking...) I'm constantly running around, painting my room, gardening, baking (standing on your feet in the kitchen for that long is exercise, ;) )
So, as time elapsed and my sedentary lifestyle got to me, I realized I wasn't as hungry as usual, and my carb and protein intake diminished. By my last meal, I was eating a huge fruit salad and maybe a 1/4 cup of kidney and garbanzo beans with haricots verts.
When I came home, I thought to myself "oh, you know, I could just have salad for lunch." And so... I did. A big salad of leafy greens, some chopped fruit, tomato, dried cranberries, and a 'lite' dressing. With dessert, of course ;) I can never forgo my favorite part of any meal. Then, I read Gena's philosophy on breakfast. She reiterated something I'd read in Skinny Bitch that sounded logical to me. Basically, when you wake up, your body is emerging from 'hibernation' and still processing last night's dinner. Thus, you shouldn't shock, or load it up with a bunch of heavy food. Rather, you should eat really light foods that your body can easily digest, like fruits, smoothies, etc.
So, of course, being the impressionable and slightly eating disordered person that I am, I grip onto her words and vow to eat only smoothies for breakfast as a sort of 'cleanse.' Bad idea. Not sure if it's the xanthan gum, or the amount of veggies I've been consuming, but my digestive system has not been happy. That, and I've been feeling super fat and bloated.
Obviously, this is not a good way for me to proceed, especially as I am still in recovery from anorexia. Sooooo, I've decided to try to get back on track by doing what I did in treatment. Basically, every weekday, I'll do a post that deals with the same topics covered in the groups at my treatment center on that day.
So, it'll look a little like this:
Monday: Goal Setting or interpersonal relations
Tuesday: Art Therapy
Wednesday: Body Image
Thursday: Experiential or Nutrition
Friday: Process
So, today is Goal setting. Basically, I write up a maximum of four goals for the week.
1) Exercise more regularly
My injuries have been rather discouraging, and have forced me to get out of the habit of exercising regularly. I think the lack of exercise (endorphins, baby, endorphins!) has made me feel pretty sluggish and depressed lately, and I have had little to no desire to exercise.
I think I'm over my tendonitis, but now my calf muscles are as tight as cables right now, so running hurts. However, I went for a short run this morning, and it was glorious. It felt great to get out there and feel completely free, unfettered by earthly bonds like a purse, my dog straining on her leash, etc.
So I want to take really good care of my legs, like so:
My legs were covered in goose bumps by the time I took off the cold packs. My mom made them individual little sleeves to cover them. Isn't she sweet?
and continue doing exercise like walking, yoga, pilates, biking, and a tiny bit of running.
2) Get together with a friend
Pretty self-explanatory. My parents are at our house in France, and I'm by myself at our home in California. I think part of the reason I've been feeling depressed is the isolation.
3) Finish reading my book
How To Read And Why by Harold Bloom (professor at Yale.) My mom got it for me for X-mas, and I just finished Dear John, so I needed new reading material. This book is pretty good, from what I've read so far.
Mhmmm. Kombucha and Literature. Symbols of my two loves in life: Nutrition and English. Please disregard the huge thing of charmin' toilet paper in the background ;). Oh, and check out Bella in the background, lounging around and living a dog's life :P
Side note: does anyone else listen to Yale's open courses from iTunes? They're amazing. Really really good. Basically they're recorded lectures that Yalies actually take on various subjects. I've listened to Steven B. Smith's Introduction to Political Philosophy more than once, and find it so fascinating and informative. I really recommend you check them out on iTunes. Just type in Yale university, and a bunch will pop up. Best part? It's completely FREE.
So... yeah. Those are my goals for the week.
Cuestiónes:
Do you have any goals for this week?
Can anyone else relate to the calf tightness thing? If so, do you have any recommendations for how to heal it?
Friday, June 3, 2011
Xanthan Gum = love
I discovered the most amazing food ever.
Seemingly unimportant, a complicated 'extra' in the ingredients list, this baby has SUPERNATURAL powers. I know I'm kind of late on the bandwagon - I'm sure everyone's already seen this on blogs such as Freya's - but when I tried it this morning, I fell in LOVE.
I went to the store yesterday with a family friend to pick up some chocolate chips to make Katie's drool-worthy chocolate chip cookie dough dip. Of course, I couldn't wait to use them in that before I broke into them for my evening snack yesterday of a banana topped with almond butter, decorated with chocolate chips, and melted into a gooey, yummy mess in the micro.
Anywho, back to mah gum. I chopped up a banana last night and popped the slices into the magic bullet. Into the freezer it went, so the next morning I would have frozen banana and no extra Tupperware to wash! WIN!
When I got up, I downed a nanner with some sunflower seed butter (divine!) and then went on a run with my pooch.
No, sadly that cutie is not me. However, this is.
Complete with laptop in hand, ready to catch up on blogs while eating my pre-run fuel.
This was my first run in about 3 weeks or so. I had been experiencing pain in my right ankle, and my doctor told me not to run for a while, and let it heal. Hah! I kept running on it, kept feeling the pain, and went back to see my doctor. She diagnosed me with tendinitis, and told me that each time I went running, I was re-injuring myself. Not the most pleasant of images. This visit coincided with my trip to New Jersey to see family, so I decided to leave my running shoes at home and lay off it for a while.
While I was on the East Coast, my aunt took me to this Acupuncture/ Acupressure place in New York City. Interesting experience. This was my first time getting either treatment, and I got acupressure on my upper back and neck for stress (felt great, and I think really helped), and acupuncture on my belly, the front of my legs, and the back of my right ankle where I had injured it. I couldn't tell you if it was the acupuncture or the rest, but I experienced no ankle pain on my run. Wonderful!
I decided to do the walk/run method since I was just coming back from three weeks without running, and it was good! I did about 2.2 miles without timing myself, and had a chance to think about my June goals (inspired by Emma!) which I'll talk about in just a minute.
When I got home, it was rush rush rush to shower and get ready since my friend was supposed to bring me to the pharmacy and the library (I don't have my Driver's License yet!), but in the end she couldn't so I got to have my wonderful breakfast sooner!
I pulled out my frozen nanner in the magic bullet, and added some almond milk, shook it around a bit, but the banana was frozen in place! So I decided to pop it in the fridge to thaw a bit whilst I prepared the other ingredients - bad idea! The almond milk froze to the banana. Ack! so I had to nuke it for about 20 seconds for it to melt a little.
Then I blended the nanner and milk together a while, added in three strawbs, a boatload o' spinach, and some more almond milk. Then it was time for the Xanthan Gum. I added a tsp, and it was like magic. My smoothie crazy thick. It was divine.
Here's what it looked like after I added this:
Source
Oops! Can't see it! Here's a close up of the beauty:
Mmm. So GOOD. And thick... and creamy.
Okay... now onto June Goals!
1) Improve my running performance before the Wharf to Wharf!!
I want to firstly improve my endurance, and if that means run/walk method, I'm totally cool with that. I'm at about 2 miles now, coming back from my injury, so I want to be able to do 4 miles by the end of the month.
2) Implement a new workout schedule
Over the course of the week:
-4 days: running
-1 day (or more): yoga
-1 day: cross train (e.g. weights, workout dvd, pilates, walking, hiking, biking...)
-1 day (at least): rest
3) Read!
I really want to take advantage of the summer to do a lot of reading, whether it be the classics (some Shakespeare and Austen) or more modern stuff like Jodi Picoult, Nicholas Sparks, whatever. It's all about balance.
4) Be regular about blogging!
Ah, this is a hard one. Blogging is sooo much work. Just this post has taking me over an hour to write and export and insert photos. That's not including the time to take photos, upload them to the computer, think about blog ideas... but this is definitely something I want to invest time into.
5) Finish my room
I've been redecorating my room - I painted the walls blue and turquoise stripes, bought some new furniture... but I really need to finish it. That means painting my closet, installing and buying some more furniture, neatening up...
Okay, that's pretty ambitious, and definitely enough for now!
Questions:
How do you use Xanthan Gum? When and how do you add it to your recipes?
Do you have any goals for June?
Seemingly unimportant, a complicated 'extra' in the ingredients list, this baby has SUPERNATURAL powers. I know I'm kind of late on the bandwagon - I'm sure everyone's already seen this on blogs such as Freya's - but when I tried it this morning, I fell in LOVE.
I went to the store yesterday with a family friend to pick up some chocolate chips to make Katie's drool-worthy chocolate chip cookie dough dip. Of course, I couldn't wait to use them in that before I broke into them for my evening snack yesterday of a banana topped with almond butter, decorated with chocolate chips, and melted into a gooey, yummy mess in the micro.
Anywho, back to mah gum. I chopped up a banana last night and popped the slices into the magic bullet. Into the freezer it went, so the next morning I would have frozen banana and no extra Tupperware to wash! WIN!
When I got up, I downed a nanner with some sunflower seed butter (divine!) and then went on a run with my pooch.
No, sadly that cutie is not me. However, this is.
Complete with laptop in hand, ready to catch up on blogs while eating my pre-run fuel.
This was my first run in about 3 weeks or so. I had been experiencing pain in my right ankle, and my doctor told me not to run for a while, and let it heal. Hah! I kept running on it, kept feeling the pain, and went back to see my doctor. She diagnosed me with tendinitis, and told me that each time I went running, I was re-injuring myself. Not the most pleasant of images. This visit coincided with my trip to New Jersey to see family, so I decided to leave my running shoes at home and lay off it for a while.
While I was on the East Coast, my aunt took me to this Acupuncture/ Acupressure place in New York City. Interesting experience. This was my first time getting either treatment, and I got acupressure on my upper back and neck for stress (felt great, and I think really helped), and acupuncture on my belly, the front of my legs, and the back of my right ankle where I had injured it. I couldn't tell you if it was the acupuncture or the rest, but I experienced no ankle pain on my run. Wonderful!
I decided to do the walk/run method since I was just coming back from three weeks without running, and it was good! I did about 2.2 miles without timing myself, and had a chance to think about my June goals (inspired by Emma!) which I'll talk about in just a minute.
When I got home, it was rush rush rush to shower and get ready since my friend was supposed to bring me to the pharmacy and the library (I don't have my Driver's License yet!), but in the end she couldn't so I got to have my wonderful breakfast sooner!
I pulled out my frozen nanner in the magic bullet, and added some almond milk, shook it around a bit, but the banana was frozen in place! So I decided to pop it in the fridge to thaw a bit whilst I prepared the other ingredients - bad idea! The almond milk froze to the banana. Ack! so I had to nuke it for about 20 seconds for it to melt a little.
Then I blended the nanner and milk together a while, added in three strawbs, a boatload o' spinach, and some more almond milk. Then it was time for the Xanthan Gum. I added a tsp, and it was like magic. My smoothie crazy thick. It was divine.
Here's what it looked like after I added this:
Source
Oops! Can't see it! Here's a close up of the beauty:
Mmm. So GOOD. And thick... and creamy.
Okay... now onto June Goals!
1) Improve my running performance before the Wharf to Wharf!!
I want to firstly improve my endurance, and if that means run/walk method, I'm totally cool with that. I'm at about 2 miles now, coming back from my injury, so I want to be able to do 4 miles by the end of the month.
2) Implement a new workout schedule
Over the course of the week:
-4 days: running
-1 day (or more): yoga
-1 day: cross train (e.g. weights, workout dvd, pilates, walking, hiking, biking...)
-1 day (at least): rest
3) Read!
I really want to take advantage of the summer to do a lot of reading, whether it be the classics (some Shakespeare and Austen) or more modern stuff like Jodi Picoult, Nicholas Sparks, whatever. It's all about balance.
4) Be regular about blogging!
Ah, this is a hard one. Blogging is sooo much work. Just this post has taking me over an hour to write and export and insert photos. That's not including the time to take photos, upload them to the computer, think about blog ideas... but this is definitely something I want to invest time into.
5) Finish my room
I've been redecorating my room - I painted the walls blue and turquoise stripes, bought some new furniture... but I really need to finish it. That means painting my closet, installing and buying some more furniture, neatening up...
Okay, that's pretty ambitious, and definitely enough for now!
Questions:
How do you use Xanthan Gum? When and how do you add it to your recipes?
Do you have any goals for June?
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