Magical 4th of July Monday

Happy 4th of July!

I hope everyone (State-side) is having a wonderful day with their friends and family.
I tried to dress the part in my navy and white striped romper and red ribbon tied around my wrist.


Personally, my parents and I are having a quiet day with a barbecue at home. Obviously as a vegetarian, I won't be eating the ribs, BUT I will be having the BBQ-ed corn, and I'm thinking of grilling some tofu before they cook their meat.

Yes, I may have gone a little camera-happy.

Otherwise today has started out well - I went for a 2 mile run/walk with my dad, showered, and had breaky at a local restaurant that serves classic American breakfast food - aka: eggs, bacon, french toast, pancakes... They had all kinds of pancakes! Banana, blueberry, blackberry, strawberry, chocolate chip...

I went with two blueberry pancakes, even though the chocolate chip pancakes sounded tempting. They were delish! I was also planning on having a soy hot chocolate, but they didn't have non-dairy milk! They really need to get on the new-age/vegan bandwagon... Haha.

Afterward we stopped by Rite Aid to pick up my Vitamin D prescription, and... I couldn't resist, so we popped into Trader Joe's next door. After reading Nicky's blog and her love of Barbara's Puffins cereal, I've been wanting to get my hands on them. So imagine my glee when I found (and of course snatched) these beauties:

Peanut Butter and Cinnamon.

And of course, no trip to TJ's is complete without this baby:

I love TJ's Pound Plus dark chocolate.
It's seriously the tastiest, richest, and most cost-efficient dark chocolate out there.

Though I usually don't have a morning snack, I was really feeling one today around 11:30. Almost time for lunch! But I was a hangry beast so I decided to dig into this:

The Peanut Butter flavor. Mmm. It was gooooot.

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And now... today is goal-setting Monday!

This week's goals?

1) Train for the Wharf To Wharf race (July 24th! Eeek!)

• Monday: 2.5 mile walk/run (I only ran two miles, because I tried a new route and didn't know how far I'd gone. But I'm okay with that!)
• Tuesday: rest day
• Wednesday: 3 mile walk/run
• Thursday: Rest day
• Friday: 4 mile walk/run
• Sunday: 5 mile walk/run

I'm used to run/walking 2.5 miles. Does anyone out there with a little more experience think it's too much of a jump to go from 2.5 miles to 5 miles in the same week? I would love some feedback!

2) Wake up earlier!

...Which implies, of course, sleeping earlier. I want to start waking up round 6am or 7am, and sleeping round... 9 or 10? We'll see how that works out!

3) Read!

I feel like I always have this goal. Nevertheless, I want to read at least one novel, preferably two, by the end of the week


And that's all, folks!
Have a wonderful 4th of July!

I'm back!

Hello!

Sorry I've been MIA. To tell the truth, it wasn't that I haven't had the time, or that there was a huge blackout in the state of California and I lost access to all things techie.

No. The real reason is... my therapist recommended I stop reading health food blogs. Why? She looked at me and said: "Lexi, you know they aren't good for you." Are they bad for me? I don't know. At the time, I agreed vehemently as I felt guilty about spending so much time reading food blogs rather than accomplishing something.

So I disconnected. I removed blogger dashboard from my tabs. I stopped reading blogs, I stopped writing posts, I just eliminated that part of my life completely. And I was good at it. For about two weeks. Then, on my short vacation up to our beach house in Northern California, I thought to myself: I've been feeling really... depressed lately. Has not reading blogs really helped my recovery? The resounding answer was... No.

Reading about what other people eat can make me feel better about what I eat. It makes me realize that yes, other people eat the way I do (aka, loadser nut butters, snacks, oats up the kazooza...) and I shouldn't feel bad about it. Reading blogs like Amanda's help me feel that I should take care of my body and honor my hunger. Blogs like Emma's encourage me to enjoy exercise rather than just sit on my butt all day and feel depressed, while also fueling adequately for it.

But I have to be careful. Sometimes, especially the day I jumped back into blogs, I find myself waaaaay overdoing it. As in, spending hours and hours reading blogs all afternoon, then taking my laptop to bed with me to read more till midnight only to feel like a zombie. Like many other things in life, I need to incorporate blogs into my life in a healthy, moderate manner.

To do so, is simple on paper, but often hard in practice.

1) Spend at most 2 hours a day reading and writing blog posts.
2) Don't fall into the comparison trap
3) Reap the benefits of healthy living blogs: motivation to exercise, positive energy, a variety of recipe and food inspiration, reassurance about taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally...

So all this to say... I'm back!

Mad Monday

Okay, so it's not really mad at all. It's actually been pretty mellow, so far.

I'll just jump right into it. I've been struggling lately.
It all began at Grandma's - she has trouble walking, so basically the whole four days I was there (minus a short run, a jazzercise class, and a ride or two up and down the street on the bike) I basically sat on the couch with her, watching The Food Network. Goodness. I never realized how active I am at home, aside from 'real' exercise (aka intense, purposeful exercise like running, yoga, biking...) I'm constantly running around, painting my room, gardening, baking (standing on your feet in the kitchen for that long is exercise, ;) )

So, as time elapsed and my sedentary lifestyle got to me, I realized I wasn't as hungry as usual, and my carb and protein intake diminished. By my last meal, I was eating a huge fruit salad and maybe a 1/4 cup of kidney and garbanzo beans with haricots verts.

When I came home, I thought to myself "oh, you know, I could just have salad for lunch." And so... I did. A big salad of leafy greens, some chopped fruit, tomato, dried cranberries, and a 'lite' dressing. With dessert, of course ;) I can never forgo my favorite part of any meal. Then, I read Gena's philosophy on breakfast. She reiterated something I'd read in Skinny Bitch that sounded logical to me. Basically, when you wake up, your body is emerging from 'hibernation' and still processing last night's dinner. Thus, you shouldn't shock, or load it up with a bunch of heavy food. Rather, you should eat really light foods that your body can easily digest, like fruits, smoothies, etc.

So, of course, being the impressionable and slightly eating disordered person that I am, I grip onto her words and vow to eat only smoothies for breakfast as a sort of 'cleanse.' Bad idea. Not sure if it's the xanthan gum, or the amount of veggies I've been consuming, but my digestive system has not been happy. That, and I've been feeling super fat and bloated.

Obviously, this is not a good way for me to proceed, especially as I am still in recovery from anorexia. Sooooo, I've decided to try to get back on track by doing what I did in treatment. Basically, every weekday, I'll do a post that deals with the same topics covered in the groups at my treatment center on that day.
So, it'll look a little like this:

Monday: Goal Setting or interpersonal relations
Tuesday: Art Therapy
Wednesday: Body Image
Thursday: Experiential or Nutrition
Friday: Process

So, today is Goal setting. Basically, I write up a maximum of four goals for the week.

1) Exercise more regularly
My injuries have been rather discouraging, and have forced me to get out of the habit of exercising regularly. I think the lack of exercise (endorphins, baby, endorphins!) has made me feel pretty sluggish and depressed lately, and I have had little to no desire to exercise.

I think I'm over my tendonitis, but now my calf muscles are as tight as cables right now, so running hurts. However, I went for a short run this morning, and it was glorious. It felt great to get out there and feel completely free, unfettered by earthly bonds like a purse, my dog straining on her leash, etc.
So I want to take really good care of my legs, like so:



My legs were covered in goose bumps by the time I took off the cold packs. My mom made them individual little sleeves to cover them. Isn't she sweet?


and continue doing exercise like walking, yoga, pilates, biking, and a tiny bit of running.


2) Get together with a friend
Pretty self-explanatory. My parents are at our house in France, and I'm by myself at our home in California. I think part of the reason I've been feeling depressed is the isolation.

3) Finish reading my book

How To Read And Why by Harold Bloom (professor at Yale.) My mom got it for me for X-mas, and I just finished Dear John, so I needed new reading material. This book is pretty good, from what I've read so far.



Mhmmm. Kombucha and Literature. Symbols of my two loves in life: Nutrition and English. Please disregard the huge thing of charmin' toilet paper in the background ;). Oh, and check out Bella in the background, lounging around and living a dog's life :P

Side note: does anyone else listen to Yale's open courses from iTunes? They're amazing. Really really good. Basically they're recorded lectures that Yalies actually take on various subjects. I've listened to Steven B. Smith's Introduction to Political Philosophy more than once, and find it so fascinating and informative. I really recommend you check them out on iTunes. Just type in Yale university, and a bunch will pop up. Best part? It's completely FREE.


So... yeah. Those are my goals for the week.

Cuestiónes:

Do you have any goals for this week?

Can anyone else relate to the calf tightness thing? If so, do you have any recommendations for how to heal it?

Xanthan Gum = love

I discovered the most amazing food ever.



Seemingly unimportant, a complicated 'extra' in the ingredients list, this baby has SUPERNATURAL powers. I know I'm kind of late on the bandwagon - I'm sure everyone's already seen this on blogs such as Freya's - but when I tried it this morning, I fell in LOVE.

I went to the store yesterday with a family friend to pick up some chocolate chips to make Katie's drool-worthy chocolate chip cookie dough dip. Of course, I couldn't wait to use them in that before I broke into them for my evening snack yesterday of a banana topped with almond butter, decorated with chocolate chips, and melted into a gooey, yummy mess in the micro.



Anywho, back to mah gum. I chopped up a banana last night and popped the slices into the magic bullet. Into the freezer it went, so the next morning I would have frozen banana and no extra Tupperware to wash! WIN!

When I got up, I downed a nanner with some sunflower seed butter (divine!) and then went on a run with my pooch.



No, sadly that cutie is not me. However, this is.



Complete with laptop in hand, ready to catch up on blogs while eating my pre-run fuel.

This was my first run in about 3 weeks or so. I had been experiencing pain in my right ankle, and my doctor told me not to run for a while, and let it heal. Hah! I kept running on it, kept feeling the pain, and went back to see my doctor. She diagnosed me with tendinitis, and told me that each time I went running, I was re-injuring myself. Not the most pleasant of images. This visit coincided with my trip to New Jersey to see family, so I decided to leave my running shoes at home and lay off it for a while.

While I was on the East Coast, my aunt took me to this Acupuncture/ Acupressure place in New York City. Interesting experience. This was my first time getting either treatment, and I got acupressure on my upper back and neck for stress (felt great, and I think really helped), and acupuncture on my belly, the front of my legs, and the back of my right ankle where I had injured it. I couldn't tell you if it was the acupuncture or the rest, but I experienced no ankle pain on my run. Wonderful!

I decided to do the walk/run method since I was just coming back from three weeks without running, and it was good! I did about 2.2 miles without timing myself, and had a chance to think about my June goals (inspired by Emma!) which I'll talk about in just a minute.

When I got home, it was rush rush rush to shower and get ready since my friend was supposed to bring me to the pharmacy and the library (I don't have my Driver's License yet!), but in the end she couldn't so I got to have my wonderful breakfast sooner!

I pulled out my frozen nanner in the magic bullet, and added some almond milk, shook it around a bit, but the banana was frozen in place! So I decided to pop it in the fridge to thaw a bit whilst I prepared the other ingredients - bad idea! The almond milk froze to the banana. Ack! so I had to nuke it for about 20 seconds for it to melt a little.

Then I blended the nanner and milk together a while, added in three strawbs, a boatload o' spinach, and some more almond milk. Then it was time for the Xanthan Gum. I added a tsp, and it was like magic. My smoothie crazy thick. It was divine.

Here's what it looked like after I added this:



Source




Oops! Can't see it! Here's a close up of the beauty:



Mmm. So GOOD. And thick... and creamy.


Okay... now onto June Goals!

1) Improve my running performance before the Wharf to Wharf!!
I want to firstly improve my endurance, and if that means run/walk method, I'm totally cool with that. I'm at about 2 miles now, coming back from my injury, so I want to be able to do 4 miles by the end of the month.

2) Implement a new workout schedule
Over the course of the week:
-4 days: running
-1 day (or more): yoga
-1 day: cross train (e.g. weights, workout dvd, pilates, walking, hiking, biking...)
-1 day (at least): rest

3) Read!
I really want to take advantage of the summer to do a lot of reading, whether it be the classics (some Shakespeare and Austen) or more modern stuff like Jodi Picoult, Nicholas Sparks, whatever. It's all about balance.

4) Be regular about blogging!
Ah, this is a hard one. Blogging is sooo much work. Just this post has taking me over an hour to write and export and insert photos. That's not including the time to take photos, upload them to the computer, think about blog ideas... but this is definitely something I want to invest time into.

5) Finish my room
I've been redecorating my room - I painted the walls blue and turquoise stripes, bought some new furniture... but I really need to finish it. That means painting my closet, installing and buying some more furniture, neatening up...

Okay, that's pretty ambitious, and definitely enough for now!

Questions:

How do you use Xanthan Gum? When and how do you add it to your recipes?

Do you have any goals for June?

The Alexander McQueen show

Well, in accordance with my post yesterday, I'm writing again today, and I'll try to keep it short, sweet, and enjoyable!

I'm currently in New Jersey, visiting my aunt, uncle, and cousin (I live in California.) We've been going up to NYC a lot, to have fun! and an added bonus - my cousin lives there.

I went to the Met (my cousin works there so I got in for free - SCORE!) and saw the Alexander McQueen show where pieces like this were the norm:









Source

Wow. Just wow. The music was low and mournful, the walls were covered in huge, over-sized venetian mirrors, and everything was bathed in a dark, midnight gloom. Three words for you: creepy as hell. Seriously. No exhibit has ever affected me the way the Alexander McQueen show did. I felt completely shaken and spooked out. I probably would have rushed out if it had not been for the sheer number of people in the show. Seriously. It was: walk in, shuffle to the first gown, stand there for five minutes, half observing, half waiting for the people in front of me to move along, shuffle forward two feet, and repeat the cycle. And that show was HUGE baby.

However, I now understand and appreciate McQueen's fashion so much more now. He tried to merge fashion and politics (a monumental and quasi-impossible feat) and I must say... he succeeded epically. One of his collections was called "Highland Rape," referring to the invasion and massacre of Scotland by the English. The clothing featured were ripped, teared, spattered with 'blood.' The violence of the fashions was enough to make me shudder as I imagined this happening to real people. It made me feel repulsed by the horror of wars and genocide in general.

Questions:

1) Have you seen any great exhibits lately? Or what museum show has impacted you the most?
For me, it was definitely the Alexander McQueen show.

2) Have you been traveling? Or where are you going for your next vacation?

Have a faboosh day!

Blogging

Hmm. I don't know what to write about (that's general enough to start a blog post, right?) I feel like I keep doing this. Posting, then taking a long time off (months!) then coming back and saying 'gee, I don't know what to do about my life... or my blog... bah."

Sooooooooooo... I'm back!! I just read Katie's post on blogging over at her amazing blog Chocolate Covered Katie. She argues that a successful blog is a blog you enjoy writing. I realize that this blog, along with writing in general, has not been pleasant for me. (Ugh. Count how many times I wrote 'blog; just in the beginning of this paragraph. Ick.)The ironic thing is that I have always wanted to be a writer. The problem is that I set huge standards for myself. I have a very all-or-nothing mind set, and I believe that I must write extremely well - perfectly, in fact - or not write at all.

I believe I must write exquisitely (gah! okay, I will admit to you that I just spent about 20 minutes looking for the word I wanted to use. I am a huge vocab-nut, and I thought of this adjective that begins with an 'e' and is usually used to describe writing, but immediately lost it into the dark depths of my sleepy head. It's kind of like exquisite, poignant, expressive... Ah!! Just found it!! eloquent. Such a beautiful, smooth, polished word... so expressive... Eloquent. It ranks on the top of my favorite word list. Wow. You must really think I'm crazy now, huh? Anywho... moving right along...), with style, and attract a huge following - I must be like all the other successful bloggers. I must be upbeat, pleasant, smart, interesting, intriguing, unique, likable - lovable. I must be perfect.

Obviously, this is impossible on a day-to-day level.

I need to relax my standards. So, to do so I came up with a list of guidelines to follow to make sure that I enjoy blogging, and don't turn it into a painstaking and frightening chore.

1) Short posts!
If I know I only have to write a quick little blurb, I'm a lot more likely to do it. I think to myself 'eh, it's only a short little thing, it doesn't have to be perfect.'

2) No self-judgment
I will post what I post, and that is that. This is not a book, published in one shot before I close my eyes for the plunge. It isn't a huge deal. If a write a less-than-perfect entry, who cares? Write, post, and then move on. If I get criticism, at least I put myself out there, exposing myself to the good and the bad. As they say "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

3) Enjoy!
Blogging is a hobby - a time outside of work to let off steam and have fun. If I'm not feeling it, then something needs to change. Maybe my blog's format, maybe its contents, maybe the photos I take! I don't know. But if I'm going to invest time and effort into this thing, I better enjoy it!

4) Reciprocate
AKA - comment on other peoples' blogs. Usually, I read peoples' blogs, but never actually comment on them. Why? The same reason I have trouble writing posts. I feel like this comment has to really mean something. It has to catch the author's attention with its insight and uniqueness. The author should think 'wow - this must be an amazing person, she's so smart! I want to check out her blog right now, get to know her, and be best friends!' Yes, extremely unrealistic. I think this has to do with my insecurities from my childhood, and still today. I feel like no one ever liked me enough to want to go the extra mile to be my best friend. Sad, huh? I have to realize that bloggers get hundreds of comments every day, and they're all about equivalent. Yes, my comment may be brilliant (in a perfect world...), but there are a lot of other brilliant people in this community (hence why I was attracted to it!) and their comments were likely just as interesting as mine. Nothing personal.

Yeah. Four for now. Maybe I'll think of more on my journey through blogging. But right now I'm going to follow step 1 and keep it short and sweet! It doesn't have to be a perfect, exhaustive list of things. I'm tired, it's 1:25 am, and I need mah sleep, gals! Gotta take care of this bod.

P.S. Follow step 4! Haha.

Questions:

1) Do you feel the pressure to make your posts 'perfect'?
2) Do you keep your posts short and sweet, or long and deep?
3) Any other guidelines you would add?

Update and Food and Books!

Well. It's been a while. I kind of want to change the direction of this blog. Many things have happened to me since I last posted - taking the semester off, being in treatment to recover from my anorexia, getting healthier, being happier, reading, painting, doing activities again - and I think my blog should reflect that (not to mention I should update more often *cough cough*.)

Sooo, I'm thinking of making this a food blog, since I love food, cooking and baking it, and those are the kinds of blogs I love reading. I'm kind of worried about the whole taking photos of my food thing, because firstly, I'm not the world's greatest photographer, and secondly, I might forget to take photos, not to mention it would be rather awkward to whip out my iPhone every time I have a meal and take photos of it.

But alack, I shall do it. If only for my own gratification.

Hence, let's start with breakfast this morning!

1/2 cup oats, 1/2 cup pumpkin purée, loadsa cinnamon, a big dollop o' peanut butter. Cup of soymilk on the side. Matching dishes from Crate & Barrel.

Bliss in a bowl.

Pumpkin oats is my all time favorite breakfast. So so good. It's also a balanced breakfast - one serving of carbs, for energy, one serving of veggies, for vitamins etc, one serving of healthy fat, essential for mental flexibility and soft skin, and one serving of dairy, an amazing source of calcium, protein, and essential for my bones. It's love.


Otherwise, it's a beautiful day, here in Northern California. It's been raining non-stop since last week (not that I'm complaining - I love the rain!) but the sun has come out and the trees waving gently in the wind are dappled with crystals of sunlight. Hopefully this will do my mini vegetable garden good, at least what's left of it now that the slugs have devoured my chard and soy beans.


Anywho, the second thing I wanted to talk about was... Books! Yes, I have rediscovered my love of literature (pleasure literature, that is.) I kind of lost my ability to read a while ago. I had no energy, no ability to concentrate, no interest in reading. It was really quite lamentable. However, one day in treatment, I found myself itching to read some Jane Austen. Her prose is just so relaxing, so calming, so smooth without appearing to try. I decided to go to the library that afternoon with my friend K - but ended up not picking up Austen, I forget why. Maybe they only had ones I'd already read? Emma, Sense and Sensibility and the like. No Mansfield Park or Persuasion, which I was rather hoping for.

So I carted myself over to the "P" section, seeking the much acclaimed Jodi Picoult. I picked up Salem Falls and House Rules. I also picked up Blue Angel by Francine Prose, a teen novel that ended up being extremely shallow and awkward, Runner's World and Writer's Digest - along with a hefty pile of DVDs I never ended up watching. But hey, they were free, why hold back?

So, the point of this rather long post is that I wanted to review Blue Angel by Francine Prose. It's basically the story of a professor/novelist, Ted Swenson, at a University in New England, teaching a Creative Writing seminar. However, he develops a relationship with Angela Argo, his punk, black clothed, metal studded, tattooed students. Swenson falls in love with her novel about another teacher-student relationship, and subsequently, with her. However, it all goes downhill from there as they attempt to sleep together, Angela asks him to show her novel to his editor, and she ultimately presses charges of sexual assault to get revenge on him for failing to convince his editor to read Angela's lewd novel.

So what did I think? Swenson is an awkward, aging professor, not entirely likable, though rather witty and humorous at times during his inner monologues of paranoia, disdain, and boredom. The romantic interest between Swenson and his student is definitely believable, Prose makes it authentic and progressive, which I liked. The Creative Writing seminar is fun to read about, partly because I can relate, being a student at a New England University planning on majoring in English or Literary Arts, partly due to the unimaginative, perverted students and their stories.

I read it quickly - it was definitely a book you can get into. However, there was something about it that was rather disturbing. Maybe it was the atmosphere of guilt and paranoia. Maybe it was the consciousness of eternal failure. Maybe it was the constant self-destruction. Maybe it was the manipulation. I don't know. It put me in a bad mood, over the weekend, perhaps because I could relate to Swenson so much - guilt, failure, self-destructive behaviors, falling in love with inappropriate people... I don't know. It was all too personal, all too dark, for me to feel good about. All this capped off with a terrible ending in which the protagonist, bent on self-destruction, does not even attempt to save himself, but throws himself, head-first, into the abyss, jubilant in his misery.


But, I won't end on that negative note - let's enjoy my wonderful doggie, Bella, shall we?

Bella! The love of my life.

Questions:
Do you go crazy at the Library?
I do. I always checkout a million books, dvds, and magazines. What can I say?

Have you ever fallen in love, or had a crush on a teacher?
For sure. My English teacher in High School was amazing - I looked up to him so much, and wished we could just run away to some alternate world, go on adventures, and read Shakespeare together!


Any Books you liked or disliked lately?
Salem Falls - liked.
Blue Angel - disliked, but respected.